Not my usual blog posting showing a recently finished project or a block for a BOM or my dogs...I'm in a very strange place. I'm hoping that by writing this I'll feel better...I got a phone call Monday morning at 6:30...that's almost always not a good thing. I checked the caller ID first, hoping it was a wrong number, but saw it was my neighbor's cell phone number. She was up in New York for the weekend for Mother's Day with her mom and her husband's mom. This is the neighbor that owns the lab and the golden retriever that we've watched many times. My first thought was that there was a problem with the pet sitter and she needed me to watch her boys until she got back. When I answered the phone she said, "I have bad news and I wanted you to hear it from me"...OMG...my first thought was that something had happened to her dad...he's not been well. She said "Ray's gone" (Ray is her husband)...I didn't get it...I guess I must have been silent and she said "Carol, Ray's dead." I still couldn't say anything...I don't even know what I was thinking at that point. She went on to tell me that they had gotten up on Sunday morning, she went out to make coffee and heard a thump back in the bedroom...she went back to see what it was and there was Ray on the floor...the EMT's were there within minutes, he was gone. A massive heart attack. 56 years old. They were talking one minute and he was gone the next.
My Andy turned 61 last month...he was out in Dallas attending and speaking at a conference when I got this news. I just wanted him home...I needed to see him. We talked on the phone, but that just wasn't enough for me...my mother says it's that mother hen thing...when bad things happen the mother hen wants all of her chicks near her and under her wing...yup, that was it...I just wanted him here with me.
I've had lots of time by myself this week and I just keep replaying this in my head. The only conclusion I have come to is, there is absolutely nothing I can do about changing those kind of events...but I can make the absolute best out of every day. You know I've always said, Life is too darn short...don't waste time. This has really made me wake up and think I can't just say that anymore...I have to live it. I can't waste any more time being angry with anyone...all that does it eat at me, doesn't solve a thing and wastes time. I can't take anything for granted...if I need to tell someone something, I must do it when I need to, not think there will be another time to tell them...I must stop assuming that there will always be another day...I will tell the people I love that I love them...this has probably been the wake up call of my life...
Thank you for allowing me to share these thoughts today...tell someone how you feel today! Right now!