Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Life is So Unpredictable...

Not my usual blog posting showing a recently finished project or a block for a BOM or my dogs...I'm in a very strange place. I'm hoping that by writing this I'll feel better...I got a phone call Monday morning at 6:30...that's almost always not a good thing. I checked the caller ID first, hoping it was a wrong number, but saw it was my neighbor's cell phone number. She was up in New York for the weekend for Mother's Day with her mom and her husband's mom. This is the neighbor that owns the lab and the golden retriever that we've watched many times. My first thought was that there was a problem with the pet sitter and she needed me to watch her boys until she got back. When I answered the phone she said, "I have bad news and I wanted you to hear it from me"...OMG...my first thought was that something had happened to her dad...he's not been well. She said "Ray's gone" (Ray is her husband)...I didn't get it...I guess I must have been silent and she said "Carol, Ray's dead." I still couldn't say anything...I don't even know what I was thinking at that point. She went on to tell me that they had gotten up on Sunday morning, she went out to make coffee and heard a thump back in the bedroom...she went back to see what it was and there was Ray on the floor...the EMT's were there within minutes, he was gone. A massive heart attack. 56 years old. They were talking one minute and he was gone the next.
My Andy turned 61 last month...he was out in Dallas attending and speaking at a conference when I got this news. I just wanted him home...I needed to see him. We talked on the phone, but that just wasn't enough for me...my mother says it's that mother hen thing...when bad things happen the mother hen wants all of her chicks near her and under her wing...yup, that was it...I just wanted him here with me.
I've had lots of time by myself this week and I just keep replaying this in my head. The only conclusion I have come to is, there is absolutely nothing I can do about changing those kind of events...but I can make the absolute best out of every day. You know I've always said, Life is too darn short...don't waste time. This has really made me wake up and think I can't just say that anymore...I have to live it. I can't waste any more time being angry with anyone...all that does it eat at me, doesn't solve a thing and wastes time. I can't take anything for granted...if I need to tell someone something, I must do it when I need to, not think there will be another time to tell them...I must stop assuming that there will always be another day...I will tell the people I love that I love them...this has probably been the wake up call of my life...
Thank you for allowing me to share these thoughts today...tell someone how you feel today! Right now!

51 comments:

Sue said...

Wow. I am so very sad and sorry for you friend's terrible loss. This blog just brought back lots of emotions about losing my father so recently.

I will be praying for your friend and that God's grace will sustain her through this incredibly difficult time.

That is just way too young to die. My husband is fifty-three. You are right that we need to live every day to the fullest and to take nothing for granted.

Hugs to you and your friend.

Screen Door said...

I got chills just reading your post. I heart goes out to you and your neighbors. We don't always understand things or have answers to these questions in life. I guess it really makes you re-evaluate your priorities, Huh?!? Your friend will probably need hand-holding for a long time. I'm glad she's got you.....

Cherie said...

Gosh, what a shock. I absolutely relate to your reaction and feelings. Thank you for your heartfelt post.

Gypsy Quilter said...

I know exactly what you mean. I felt the same way when one of my dearest friends was killed in an MVA at age 39. I hope your hubs comes home soon and can share in your grief.

Cara said...

Hugs to you...life likes to turn everything upside down with no warning, or consideration.

NanaKaren said...

I'm sorry to hear this bad news of your friend's loss! It certainly makes one think, doesn't it? Life is so precious and sometimes unpredictable. This is reminder to us all to LIVE LIFE TODAY.

Hugs, Karen

Gretchen said...

Wow a very powerful post. Big hugs to you and deepest sympathies for your neighbor. I hope Mr. Brown Quilts comes home soon. A very good reminder that we all need to enjoy every day to its fullest.

Laurie said...

Thank you for this post. I'm sorry for your loss - so young to leave this world.

On 9/11, I felt the same way you did in wanting your husband home - I wanted my husband home and I wanted to pick up all my children from school. I guess the love that we share helps to ease the pain.

Sinta Renee said...

It is so heartbreaking to share that loss with someone. How special though that your neighbor called you and shared her grief with you. My husband survived a medical problem that has a 97% mortality rate. Our family is very aware of how precious our lives are.

Karen said...

Not good news. And understandable that you would want Andy home with you. Your friend is going to need you.

Glenna at Hollyhock Quilts said...

One of our worst nightmares came true for your friend. How lucky she is to have you. Blessings to her and her family and friends as you all work through this terrible loss...

Happy Cottage Quilter said...

Oh my goodness Carol, what a shock! It is so hard to get bad news and be alone. You are so right, we do not know how many days we have. My BFF passed away when she was 51. Sending hugs your way {{{ }}}

Diane said...

Hugs to you and prayers too.

Carol said...

Oh my gosh, he was so young. I'm sorry to hear about your friend. You are so right life is so short.

Nedra said...

Carol,
I am so sorry for your loss. Please accept my condolences. Know that prayers are being sent from Utah for you and your friend's family.

Lori said...

It is always such an eye opener when something tragic like that happens to a young life.
It is important to make each day the best we can and never take a moment with a loved one for granted.

Darlene said...

I'm so sorry your friend has passed so suddenly and way too soon. It's ok to take some time to reflect on our lives and realize that we must stop and 'just breathe'.

(HUGS)

Julie in the Barn said...

You must be an awesome neighbor since your friend thought to call you with her tragic news. I'm sure it has given her comfort to be able to share her shock & grief with a dear friend. Thank you for sharing with us and reminding us to savor each day as if it is the last. I needed the reminder and will renew my effort to put that thought into practice.

Linda said...

Please express my regrets to your friend. It's such a hard adjustment. I'll lift her up in prayer. And what you say is true "there is absolutely nothing I can do about changing those kind of events...but I can make the absolute best out of every day."

Thanks for your post.

Dianne said...

I can totally understand how that would cause you to reflect. I am very sorry for your friend's loss...and for your loss. Hugs :)

NancyNoBlogBlogs said...

I am very sorry to hear this Carol. Prayers go out to you and your friend.

paulette said...

Thanks for writing this...I know it must have been difficult...BUT it's a message that we all need to hear..to live each day like it's your last and to always tell your loved ones how special they are to you. My thoughts are with you and your friend. Take care!
Paulette

Allie said...

OH MY. I'll surely be praying for her. This reminds me of almost exactly a year ago, I called my friend to wish her a happy birthday - her daughter answered and said her dad [my friend's hubby] had just died, sitting in his chair. On her BIRTHDAY. Yes, don't wait, tell people you love them now, appreciate them, make every moment count.

Dandelion Quilts said...

What a sad story, Carol. I am so sorry to hear it and feel the pain of your neighbor. That is just a tragedy. You're right though, make the most of each day and hold nothing back.

About Me said...

Carol,

You,your family, your neighbor, and her family will be in my thoughts and prayers!

You are right...life is too short to not enjoy the beauty of every moment.

Stefanie

Kate said...

How terrible; Im so sorry for you, and your neighbour. Really makes you appreciate life just that little bit more...

yellowfarmhouse said...

Oh Carol - life is fragile indeed. 2 of my peeps are going through something right now - one day life is good - the next moment it's changed - we have absolutely no control of our path - we can only control the moment. I'm so sorry for the loss of your neighbor - very young to be gone. I guess these happenings teach us that we aren't in charge - treasure each day and treasure those around us.

Hugs - Karen

AnnieO said...

This kind of news can never be anticipated and will always be shocking and horrifying. Sadly, there is never anything to say that means much, except "I'm sorry". Years ago my mom's first cousin called her with similar news about her 50-something husband, who died suddenly after a jog. You are right to gather your family to you and hold them close, for as long as you can.

Mel said...

My goodness! Wake up calls are good, after we get through the 'stunned' phase.

Ever since my sis-in-law went into the hospital (with a freak thing that has escalated) I count my blessings every day.

Keep life simple, and be thankful. That's my new way of life!

Mel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Colleen said...

Oh how sad Carol... I am so sad for your friend. You are right and we all need to remember that we never know what tomorrow brings. Hugs to you!

QuiltSue said...

How awful, I am so sorry.

It really does make you think doesn't it about how we take "time" for granted.

*karendianne. said...

Oh Carol,

There are so many things I want to share with you about this but everything feels like it's not really going to express comfort and love. And more than anything in the world that's what I would want to give you - comfort and love. I want you to know I read every single word with absolutely focus and with the intention of understanding. And in some small way I do understand. I understand about the precious bit of time we have.

I feel the very critical importance of spending our time in a state of gratitude, love and making the most of every day.

We want to put ourselves in the position to look back and say that we did our committed best to savor with JOY & LOVE the time we were given. I think it doesn't fully happen over night as it's a "practice." It's a way of moving through the world. Maybe, I guess, that's what truly feel about time and what little bit we have of it. We're human. We drift. But if we consider it a way of moving through the world I think we can become much more grateful and comfortable with the time we have. Building a friendship with it rather than holding onto a fear. Which... I think, shows up anyway and has to be welcomed in and shown the back door.

Oh friend, I don't know. I've re-read this three times, almost deleted it and finally decided my best effort is what I offer in friendship and love. It will do.

Warmly, *karendianne.

Quilt Hollow said...

This is alarming and I say this because within the last three to four weeks I've heard from different friends of loss. Thankfully not "immediate" loss but loss of a friend's loved one. The ages are scary....all three in 50's to early 60's. I know exactly how your feel....we can't take each day for granted this is for sure. One of the ladies who loss her husband also had her elderly mom move in the prior week. It was a stressful time for her anyway....then to top it all off she had a mild heart attach herself and ended up in the hospital. My heart aches for her...it all hit at once and didn't even see any of it coming.
Hug your Andy...love him daily!!

teresamnj said...

I'm so sorry. Hugs. Today is the 10th anniversary of my son's best friend, Dennis' death. He was only 21, and died in a car accident in which my son was the passenger, and Dennis was the driver. Dennis and my son survived the crash, of which they had minimal injuries, but Dennis couldn't walk away from the car, unable to bear weight on his leg. While waiting for EMS, another car came and hit Dennis, throwing him in the air and breaking his neck. It all happened in the blink of an eye. My son witnessed the entire episode, and has never been the same since. Life definitely is too short!

Thimbleanna said...

Wow Carol. That's so sad. It's so true...we just never know. I hope Andy is home by now. And your friend is lucky to have you as a neighbor -- I'm sure you'll be a comfort and support to her in the coming months.

Red Geranium Cottage said...

OMGG Carol. That is the saddest thing. I am so sorry for your friend and for you losing a good friend. Your so right. We just don't know what tomorrow will bring. There was a funeral for a guy that goes to the church I teach at on Monday. He's been going there every Wed. for prayer meetings and seemed well. Well same thing with him, he's gone. Just like that. I couldnt believe it. He was 64 I think. We can't take anything for granted in our life. Hang in there and I know you'll be there for your friend.

Cheryl said...

My heart goes out to your dear friend..how very sad and so sudden. Will keep her in my prayers. Such a well written post and words that we all need to listen to and act upon. Keeping you in my thoughts too.

Cindy said...

And.......I want to tell you how much you mean to me. I'm so pleased that we have become blogging friends, continually reuniting through our passion.

Hugs and blessings..........always.

Kim said...

Stunningly sad news, Carol. Scares me to hear about these things happening. This is my biggest fear, losing Tom. I am so sorry for your neighbor friend and sorry for you, too. I sure do wish Andy was home with you when this call came - I would feel the same if I were in your shoes and would be in a panic for Tom to be home! It's times like this that reopen our eyes to how fragile life truly is. So we'll live the best we can...I'll copy all the quilts I wanna and not care who says what, lol. Seriously, it's easy to bog down in what doesn't matter one wit. You area a wise woman to know better. :-) A big hug for you and your neighbor. Thank goodness you have your mom to talk to, bless her heart for knowing you so well. A hug for her, too.

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Carrie said...

I'm so sorry for your friend's loss, and for your loss as well.

You're so right that we waste time and energy on moments, things, and people that don't matter. Like so many of us, when I lost my father a few years ago, I remember wishing I had that one last time to tell him how much I loved him. I had said it often, and I know he knew it, but I still wanted to say it one more time.

So... just so you know, it always made me so happy to see you at Market. And I'm so glad that after losing touch when you sold the business, I'm getting to know you away from "work". Take good care and go give yourself a big hug from me.

Carrie said...

Closed the business. Oops.

joan said...

Oh Carol I am so sorry you are in the midst of such sadness. My sincere condolences. I have no doubt your neighbour will find strength in your friendship...
I hug you today!

Magnolia Bay Quilts said...

I'm so sorry about your friend. Phone calls like that one are always so hard. I'm glad you shared that with us. We get so caught up in the "small stuff" when we need to be thinking about what's really important. Hugs to you and your friend.

Barb said...

So sorry for you neighbor's husband....sometimes it happens so quickly. My father did the same thing but had a clot in the brain...gone!!

Tomorrow is not promised us, so let us take today and
make the very most of it
once we pass this way...

Susan Ramey Cleveland said...

Oh so sorry to hear of the loss of your friend, Carol. Death is always a blow, but when it comes out of the blue like this, it's especially hard I think. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Kelly@ Charming Chatter said...

I'm so sorry Carol - for you and your friend. You're so right that we need to not take for granted that the time we have with our loved ones. Thanks so much for sharing an important reminder.

Ginger Patches said...

Oh that is such sad news Carol. What a difficult time to have Andy gone. I am so sorry I just saw this post, once again Reader just put it up now that you had 2 new...I don't know what's up with that. 56 is so young and his poor mom to lose her son on Mother's Day, some things are so difficult to understand.

You are so right about not putting things off and making every moment count. It's funny I've been thinking along the same lines. In fact it's why I haven't been online much...I've cut way back on t.v. and media time, even sewing time and spending as much time as I can just hanging out with my kids. Jonathan is graduating on the 11th of June and it suddenly hit me that I don't have much time left with all my kids still living at home and that I need to take advantage of every single minute with them. This post just cemented that in my heart even firmer.

My heart goes out to your neighbor I am glad she has a good friend like you close by during this time.

Libby said...

What a shock this news must have been. While I'm more than a touch late visiting you, I'm glad to hear that you were surrounded by lots of helpful blogging buddies. I'll have your friend in my thoughts.

Quilts And Pieces said...

Oh Carol, what terrible news. Sending warm hugs your way.